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Dear Abby: Schedules collide when mother, daughter share a car
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Dear Abby

Dear Abby: Schedules collide when mother, daughter share a car

DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl, and I'm having a conflict with my mom over my car. Her car broke down and she needed to use mine, which is completely understandable, and I agreed. However, I have a work schedule I have to stick to, and I need my car to get to and from. I pay all the bills for it, and the title is in my grandfather's name.

I asked her to let me use my car to get to and from work and for Valentine's Day with my boyfriend. She seemed extremely upset by it, and now she and my stepdad continually tell me that should she EVER need the car, I have to give it to her.

While I understand she needs it to get to and from work, and I'm willing to be flexible so she can, her demand that I not use it the entire time hers is in the shop (majority of this time is on a weekend when she's not working) is completely unacceptable because I also have responsibilities.

How do I help her understand that while she can use it for work because that is important, when I need it after her work hours, I should be able to use it because I pay for it? Must I just suck it up and let her continue using it (putting my relationship with my boyfriend at risk and possibly having to walk five miles to work in bad weather) or tell her the days I need it are absolute, and since it is my car, I will be using it? -- CONFUSED IN MISSOURI

DEAR CONFUSED: While I agree with the concept of "yours" and "mine," there are times when family has to pull together.

On the grand scale of things at this point, your mom's responsibilities as an adult are more important than your love life. If your boyfriend thinks so little of you that your being carless on a special occasion will destroy your relationship, then that relationship isn't destined to last forever.

If lacking access to your car means you would have to trudge five miles in bad weather to and from work, ask your stepdad or your grandfather if -- in an emergency -- one of them can transport you. But do not attempt to lay down the law to your mother, or I guarantee you will not like the consequences.

DEAR ABBY: There is this guy that I like a lot. I want to ask him out, but it recently came to my attention that we have a mutual ex-boyfriend. Should I bring it up or let it go? He is friends with our shared ex on Facebook, and I don't know what to do. -- GUY WITH A CRUSH IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR GUY: Once the quarantine and social distancing are lifted, ask him out. When you do, I think it would be wise to disclose this information to your crush because it will become apparent soon enough. If things move forward, there will likely be pictures posted on Facebook. If you try to sweep it under the carpet, he will think you are doing it because you have something to hide. Introduce the subject this way: "Small world, isn't it?"



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DEAR ABBY: I am a 48-year-old woman, divorced for 10 years. During that time, I have been in two serious relationships. I'm no prude, but it seems like everyone I date, and who my friends and I talk to, and articles I see are all about sex, having sex, rushing to sex. It's like there's no emphasis on actually getting to know a person anymore.

DEAR ABBY: I just got engaged, and I couldn't be happier. But my fiance is referred to by the entire town as the "bad guy" because of his past. He's changed a lot, and I really want this to work out, but people come to me and say he's not marriage material, and they try to make us break up (one of his exes in particular).

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married five years and are raising four children. One is from my previous relationship, one is from her previous relationship and two are ours. We both have joint custody. My son goes to school near his mom. My wife's son goes to school where we live. They are 9 and 8.

DEAR ABBY: My sister is a pathological liar who causes rifts between family members. She tries to turn us against each other. We must constantly check with each other to find out if what she has said about each of us is true. We can't understand why she's this way. None of the rest of us is. When I have asked her, "Why are you lying about me, us, etc.?" she tells me, "I did not lie." I think she believes her lies.

DEAR ABBY: I just found out my husband has been looking at escorts in the local area. I know he has watched porn, but that never bothered me. When I confronted him about seeing his search for escorts, he said he just clicked on a link that popped up on a porn site. (I have seen them, so I know it can happen.)

DEAR ABBY: I work as a receptionist in a small medical office. I love my job, but I cannot tolerate when my co-workers make fun of our patients. Sometimes it happens while the patients are still in the exam rooms, maybe within earshot. Even the doctor contributes to this crudeness.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was accepted at a college of her choice in Pennsylvania that offered loads of grant money. Our out-of-pocket is about $6,000 if she gets a Stafford loan or works this summer to help with the $4,500 that would be the loan. My husband is insisting on a community college, which she doesn't want to attend. He constantly cites the fact that our house is in foreclosure and that he owes money to the IRS for his business, which is why things can't be.

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