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Dear Abby: Special relationship ends when man's wife returns
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Dear Abby

Dear Abby: Special relationship ends when man's wife returns

DEAR ABBY: I've been dating a married man for the last three years, and everything was great. We were attached at the hip and inseparable. I thought we had something special going.

His wife abandoned him and their two children for more than a year, and he didn't know anything about raising kids, so I stepped in to help. It was great. They were just like my own. I was finally happy. I had the life I wanted. He even met with a lawyer to get a divorce.

Suddenly he announced he's letting her come back because she has nowhere to go. I am devastated. Ever since her return, she has made his life a living hell. He tells everyone -- including her -- how miserable he is, and she does the same thing.

Why won't he get a divorce? Should I wait for him? Did he ever really love me? -- LOVING LADY IN TEXAS

DEAR LOVING LADY: There could be any number of reasons why he won't divorce his wife. He may feel that, miserable as he is, a divorce would be too expensive. Or he may be trying to keep the family together "for the sake of the kids." Or he may even love her.

That she is making his life a "living hell" is a problem of his own making. Please, for the sake of your own mental health, quit making it yours. Did he ever really love you? I can't answer that and neither can you. He certainly isn't acting like someone who loves you.

Gather your strength and jump off the treadmill. It's time to go on with your life.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are going to be first-time parents in a few months, and this will be the first grandchild on both sides of the family (and the first baby in almost 18 years). We are excited to share this experience with them. However, I have some concerns about after the baby is born.

I already deal with anxiety, and I have strict "rules" that I would like to be followed. For example, no kissing my baby's face, no posting photos on social media, etc. How can I get my wishes across to my family without sounding like a control freak? I worry that they won't respect them and say I'm overthinking everything. Any advice is appreciated. -- FIRST-TIME PARENT IN NEW YORK

DEAR FIRST-TIME PARENT: Your life is in transition, and your concerns are understandable. Remember, YOU are the parent. If you prefer your baby not be smothered with kisses, you are within your rights to say so. However, as long as your relatives are not sick and wash their hands well before touching your newborn, there shouldn't be a problem. After three months, your baby's underdeveloped immune system should be stronger.

If you haven't already discussed this with your pediatrician, schedule an appointment. Not only will you find it educational, it may put some of your fears to rest.

As to your little one's image being posted online, every family has their own comfort level. Explain your concerns, and if the grands don't cooperate, make them surrender their cellphones when they visit.



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DEAR ABBY: My daughter received her tax refund recently. It amounted to $8,700. Approximately $5,000 is for overpaying on taxes. Approximately $3,000 is the child tax credit she receives for her two children. Her boyfriend, the father of the two boys, thinks he's entitled to some of her money.

DEAR ABBY: I just got engaged, and I couldn't be happier. But my fiance is referred to by the entire town as the "bad guy" because of his past. He's changed a lot, and I really want this to work out, but people come to me and say he's not marriage material, and they try to make us break up (one of his exes in particular).

DEAR ABBY: I just found out my husband has been looking at escorts in the local area. I know he has watched porn, but that never bothered me. When I confronted him about seeing his search for escorts, he said he just clicked on a link that popped up on a porn site. (I have seen them, so I know it can happen.)

DEAR ABBY: My sister is a pathological liar who causes rifts between family members. She tries to turn us against each other. We must constantly check with each other to find out if what she has said about each of us is true. We can't understand why she's this way. None of the rest of us is. When I have asked her, "Why are you lying about me, us, etc.?" she tells me, "I did not lie." I think she believes her lies.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married five years and are raising four children. One is from my previous relationship, one is from her previous relationship and two are ours. We both have joint custody. My son goes to school near his mom. My wife's son goes to school where we live. They are 9 and 8.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 48-year-old woman, divorced for 10 years. During that time, I have been in two serious relationships. I'm no prude, but it seems like everyone I date, and who my friends and I talk to, and articles I see are all about sex, having sex, rushing to sex. It's like there's no emphasis on actually getting to know a person anymore.

DEAR ABBY: While shopping with a friend recently, I was put in an awkward situation in regard to a store discount. Having served in the military, I qualify for a discount at that particular store. She was aware of that discount, and while she was at the checkout lane, she yelled at me, "Hey, you! What's your phone number for your military discount?"

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